On the Sunday, our team picked us up from Harpenden on the way to Kings Lodge, where we were going to be staying for the next week. We joined the Kings Lodge DTS for their lectures so we could share their speaker, but their DTS left for their outreach phase 3 days after we got there so we got the speaker to ourselves for the last 2 days.
The speaker was amazing – she taught on communication and helped us develop some skills that have already been useful when dealing with one another in the group. It was a week of a lot of freedom and growth as a team. We learnt how to be transparent with one another and talk through problems without getting upset or defensive, and we also learned a lot about how to listen more closely to what God is saying to us.
One thing I forgot to mention, but I’m sure most of you know, is that we will be leaving for Egypt in a week, and will be living there for 2 months. While we were at Kings Lodge, it turns out 3 of the students on their team are from Egypt so we were blessed with the opportunity to ask them questions and learn a lot about the people and the culture before we head out.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Okay, God, I get it!
Okay. Did you know that God has the best sense of humor?
When we went to London (as mentioned in my last post), I had arrived in the city and was like, “God, if there is anyone you want me to talk to today, then just let me know and I’ll do it.” But as the day wore on, I stopped being attentive to Him and quit listening to see if there was anyone He wanted me to approach. That night, after arriving back at Harpenden, I felt bad that I had been so ignorant and the next morning when I was doing my devotions I asked God to forgive me for ignoring Him the day before. As I sat there under the tree, I said, “Lord, today I am going to Luton, so if there is anyone you want me to talk to, please make it undeniably clear so that I don’t miss the opportunity again.”
When we got to Luton, Lexa n I decided we wanted to go see Robin Hood, but turned out that the movie didn’t start for almost 3 hours. I thought it was odd that a movie so new to theatres had so few viewing times. Since we had a while to kill, the two of us just hung out at the mall, but after about an hour, neither of us wanted to be there anymore. (Never thought I’d ever say that I didn’t feel like being at a mall!) So we decided to just sit on the couch in an open coffee shop that was situated in the middle of the mall. We had been sitting for about a half hour in silence, just watching people walking past, when a lady in her 50’s came in and asked if the chair across from us was taken. I glanced around the coffee shop and noticed that the entire place was empty and there were at least 40 or 50 other chairs that she could have chosen to sit in. With a smile that she probably perceived as polite, but which was really just me laughing at God’s obvious hint, I welcomed her to join us.
I engaged her just in small chat about the day and before I knew it, she started just sharing about her daughters, her late husband, and the painful eye infection she was trying to deal with. She told us how painful it was (which I don’t doubt – it was really red and swollen) and that the medication the doctor had given her wasn’t working.
After a little while, we figured we should probably go so we could get to the theatre early enough to get good seats for the movie. I figured maybe God only wanted me to bring joy to someone by brightening their day by allowing them to just talk. We said our good-byes, but as we were leaving, I felt such a heaviness and something told me we weren’t supposed to leave yet. I turned to Alexa to tell her what I felt when suddenly she looks at me and is like, “we were supposed to pray for her. We should go back.” So we turned around and went back to the coffee shop. As we entered, she looked up and smiled, saying , “welcome back, girls.”
We sat down on either side of her and I said, “my friend and I are Christians and were just wondering if you would like us to pray for your eye?”
She seemed a little surprised at first, but then enthusiastically agreed. After we prayed for her, it opened the doors to a long conversation about Christianity and the Church. She began to share how she no longer attended church because the one she went to had not welcomed her well due to her two girls not being christened when they were younger. She talked about how her mom, who grew up in a very traditional church setting, disproved of her parenting and they had a strained relationship due to their different beliefs about church and religion. It was amazing how God opened the door for us to share with her about what we believe, and how Jesus taught the church to be welcoming of all people, no matter who they are or what they have or have not done. We got to share that God is a God of love, and not of judgement or condemnation.
We never prayed with her to accept Jesus as Lord of her life, but we were able to plant seeds that we prayed would be watered by more people that God would bring across her path.
That night, I thanked God for clearly communicating who He had wanted me to talk to. I thought about what would have happened if I hadn’t stepped out in that opportunity, or if I had disobeyed God by not returning when I knew I was supposed to go back.
When we went to London (as mentioned in my last post), I had arrived in the city and was like, “God, if there is anyone you want me to talk to today, then just let me know and I’ll do it.” But as the day wore on, I stopped being attentive to Him and quit listening to see if there was anyone He wanted me to approach. That night, after arriving back at Harpenden, I felt bad that I had been so ignorant and the next morning when I was doing my devotions I asked God to forgive me for ignoring Him the day before. As I sat there under the tree, I said, “Lord, today I am going to Luton, so if there is anyone you want me to talk to, please make it undeniably clear so that I don’t miss the opportunity again.”
When we got to Luton, Lexa n I decided we wanted to go see Robin Hood, but turned out that the movie didn’t start for almost 3 hours. I thought it was odd that a movie so new to theatres had so few viewing times. Since we had a while to kill, the two of us just hung out at the mall, but after about an hour, neither of us wanted to be there anymore. (Never thought I’d ever say that I didn’t feel like being at a mall!) So we decided to just sit on the couch in an open coffee shop that was situated in the middle of the mall. We had been sitting for about a half hour in silence, just watching people walking past, when a lady in her 50’s came in and asked if the chair across from us was taken. I glanced around the coffee shop and noticed that the entire place was empty and there were at least 40 or 50 other chairs that she could have chosen to sit in. With a smile that she probably perceived as polite, but which was really just me laughing at God’s obvious hint, I welcomed her to join us.
I engaged her just in small chat about the day and before I knew it, she started just sharing about her daughters, her late husband, and the painful eye infection she was trying to deal with. She told us how painful it was (which I don’t doubt – it was really red and swollen) and that the medication the doctor had given her wasn’t working.
After a little while, we figured we should probably go so we could get to the theatre early enough to get good seats for the movie. I figured maybe God only wanted me to bring joy to someone by brightening their day by allowing them to just talk. We said our good-byes, but as we were leaving, I felt such a heaviness and something told me we weren’t supposed to leave yet. I turned to Alexa to tell her what I felt when suddenly she looks at me and is like, “we were supposed to pray for her. We should go back.” So we turned around and went back to the coffee shop. As we entered, she looked up and smiled, saying , “welcome back, girls.”
We sat down on either side of her and I said, “my friend and I are Christians and were just wondering if you would like us to pray for your eye?”
She seemed a little surprised at first, but then enthusiastically agreed. After we prayed for her, it opened the doors to a long conversation about Christianity and the Church. She began to share how she no longer attended church because the one she went to had not welcomed her well due to her two girls not being christened when they were younger. She talked about how her mom, who grew up in a very traditional church setting, disproved of her parenting and they had a strained relationship due to their different beliefs about church and religion. It was amazing how God opened the door for us to share with her about what we believe, and how Jesus taught the church to be welcoming of all people, no matter who they are or what they have or have not done. We got to share that God is a God of love, and not of judgement or condemnation.
We never prayed with her to accept Jesus as Lord of her life, but we were able to plant seeds that we prayed would be watered by more people that God would bring across her path.
That night, I thanked God for clearly communicating who He had wanted me to talk to. I thought about what would have happened if I hadn’t stepped out in that opportunity, or if I had disobeyed God by not returning when I knew I was supposed to go back.
London Fog
I know I am TERRIBLY far behind in blogging, so I will do a very quick update.
May 27th was our long weekend and we had Friday off classes. Alexa and I took the train to Harpenden to stay at the YWAM base there with some friends we met about a month ago. It was a lot of fun because we stayed in the staff flats rather than the guest houses so we had the opportunity to get to know some really great people. We ended up taking another train into London on Friday morning and spent the whole day there. We were blessed with GORGEOUS weather and walked for nearly 10 hours. We figured it would be nicer to walk and see the sights rather than catch a bus... we just didn’t realize how far apart some of the sights were. A highlight of the day was definitely going to Madame Tussaud’s, which is a really sweet wax museum. They had themed rooms: glamour stars, Hollywood, sports, history, royalty, famous inventors, and torture chamber. Once you go through the torture chamber, you have to exit out this one way that is done up like a dungeon with it almost completely dark, and they have paid actors dressed up inside mixed in with the wax figures that jump out and scare you. It was freaky! Then at the very end they had a ‘ride’ kind of like it’s a small world where they take you around to see wax scenes of the history of England. We enjoyed the whole experience even more because we found a coupon that was 2 for 1 =)
Funny story:
We had just gotten into the wax museum and had taken a few pictures, and I was going in to take a picture with Will Smith and I backed up into this lady holding a camera and I was like “Oh, I’m so sorry! Were you taking a picture?” and so I stood out of the way and waited.... and then Alexa was like, “Um, Dude? She’s made of wax!” and the people nearby were laughing so hard! It was hilarious. Alexa actually had to point out to me that she was fake. Priceless. I actually had quite a few blonde moments that day. Good times.
We saw all the cool sights that tourists love – actually, when we arrived in the city at the station, we were debating which direction to start walking and decided to first hit up Buckingham Palace for some pictures... but when we got there, we realized there were thousands of people gathered out front and we were 15mins early for the changing of the guard and the band parade. What luck! =) It was jolly good fun. Then we wandered through Green Park outside the palace, saw all the typical: London eye, Big Ben, Trafalgar Square, Westminster Abby, etc, etc. So yeah. We hung out in London today, no big deal. =)
May 27th was our long weekend and we had Friday off classes. Alexa and I took the train to Harpenden to stay at the YWAM base there with some friends we met about a month ago. It was a lot of fun because we stayed in the staff flats rather than the guest houses so we had the opportunity to get to know some really great people. We ended up taking another train into London on Friday morning and spent the whole day there. We were blessed with GORGEOUS weather and walked for nearly 10 hours. We figured it would be nicer to walk and see the sights rather than catch a bus... we just didn’t realize how far apart some of the sights were. A highlight of the day was definitely going to Madame Tussaud’s, which is a really sweet wax museum. They had themed rooms: glamour stars, Hollywood, sports, history, royalty, famous inventors, and torture chamber. Once you go through the torture chamber, you have to exit out this one way that is done up like a dungeon with it almost completely dark, and they have paid actors dressed up inside mixed in with the wax figures that jump out and scare you. It was freaky! Then at the very end they had a ‘ride’ kind of like it’s a small world where they take you around to see wax scenes of the history of England. We enjoyed the whole experience even more because we found a coupon that was 2 for 1 =)
Funny story:
We had just gotten into the wax museum and had taken a few pictures, and I was going in to take a picture with Will Smith and I backed up into this lady holding a camera and I was like “Oh, I’m so sorry! Were you taking a picture?” and so I stood out of the way and waited.... and then Alexa was like, “Um, Dude? She’s made of wax!” and the people nearby were laughing so hard! It was hilarious. Alexa actually had to point out to me that she was fake. Priceless. I actually had quite a few blonde moments that day. Good times.
We saw all the cool sights that tourists love – actually, when we arrived in the city at the station, we were debating which direction to start walking and decided to first hit up Buckingham Palace for some pictures... but when we got there, we realized there were thousands of people gathered out front and we were 15mins early for the changing of the guard and the band parade. What luck! =) It was jolly good fun. Then we wandered through Green Park outside the palace, saw all the typical: London eye, Big Ben, Trafalgar Square, Westminster Abby, etc, etc. So yeah. We hung out in London today, no big deal. =)
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Going to the Heart of it All
Wednesday our class had an amazing opportunity to do some prayer in London. We did some public worship outside the Supreme Court building and then walked to the Foreign & Commonwealth Office where we were given a tour of the building and had lunch with some of the workers.
I stood in wonder before the grand foyers with their winding stairways and ornate carvings. Sculpted statues looked down from their perches while our footsteps silently echoed beneath the raised ceilings. As my fingers stroked the smooth marble pillars, my mind revelled at the thought of the secrets they could tell. I studied the patterned carpet and imagined the politicians whose shoes had stepped on the very ground on which I now walked. We stood in the same conference rooms where decisions had been made that helped shape the nation.
Afterward, we gathered in the original Press Room with some of the Christians that work in office and interceded with them for the government. There was something powerful about praying IN a government building, WITH government officials, FOR the government. It was awesome.
I stood in wonder before the grand foyers with their winding stairways and ornate carvings. Sculpted statues looked down from their perches while our footsteps silently echoed beneath the raised ceilings. As my fingers stroked the smooth marble pillars, my mind revelled at the thought of the secrets they could tell. I studied the patterned carpet and imagined the politicians whose shoes had stepped on the very ground on which I now walked. We stood in the same conference rooms where decisions had been made that helped shape the nation.
Afterward, we gathered in the original Press Room with some of the Christians that work in office and interceded with them for the government. There was something powerful about praying IN a government building, WITH government officials, FOR the government. It was awesome.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Hittin' the Dance Floor
So... I decided I'm a ballroom dancer, but what I really want to do is break dance.
I feel like a ballroom dancer that is trying to glide through life with God smoothly, following a strictly choreographed routine. I've trained myself to move with the poise and technique that form my "religious views". I've followed all the steps and performed all the moves that create the dance of "Christianity". I've kept a straight, sturdy frame and have memorized the routine, but I feel that this dance is making me stiff.
The more time I spend here at the manor, the more I feel like a break dancer. God is loosening up my posture and telling me to break free of the mindset that Christianity is just a set of religious rules. He's telling me to stop concentrating on being so technical and worrying about following the steps exactly. Throwing all posture out the window, God is telling me to listen to His voice and then move as it leads me.
With break dancing there is more freedom for interpretation and no limits on how you can move. There are no rules to follow, no criteria you must meet - it's a personal style that is unique for everyone.
God has already shaken me from my stiff poise and now I stand with eyes closed, just listening to the music of His voice. As the rhythms build and the song becomes more clear, my passion swells and my feet begin to move beneath me in new ways.
I feel like a ballroom dancer that is trying to glide through life with God smoothly, following a strictly choreographed routine. I've trained myself to move with the poise and technique that form my "religious views". I've followed all the steps and performed all the moves that create the dance of "Christianity". I've kept a straight, sturdy frame and have memorized the routine, but I feel that this dance is making me stiff.
The more time I spend here at the manor, the more I feel like a break dancer. God is loosening up my posture and telling me to break free of the mindset that Christianity is just a set of religious rules. He's telling me to stop concentrating on being so technical and worrying about following the steps exactly. Throwing all posture out the window, God is telling me to listen to His voice and then move as it leads me.
With break dancing there is more freedom for interpretation and no limits on how you can move. There are no rules to follow, no criteria you must meet - it's a personal style that is unique for everyone.
God has already shaken me from my stiff poise and now I stand with eyes closed, just listening to the music of His voice. As the rhythms build and the song becomes more clear, my passion swells and my feet begin to move beneath me in new ways.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
In Addition...
Continuing off of yesterday’s thoughts...
Sometimes I ask God if He really loves me. It’s all fine and great to read about His love in the bible, but as humans I think we all desire to FEEL loved. It’s different if someone just says they love you than if they go out of their way and purpose to DO something to show you it’s true.
I think this might be something that some of you can relate to, so I’m going to put myself out there and share a very personal experience with you.
During our first week of classes we got together as a team and had one of our regular prayer nights. God began to move through the place as people were broken before Him, laying down all their past hurts, and fears, allowing Him to dig up their pain so that He could bring His healing. I don’t know why, but I just felt on the defensive that night. I sat there with arms crossed, not receiving any prayer. Inside I was in turmoil but had determined not to get emotional and was desperately trying to maintain my composure. I refused to listen when others came to pray for me. I just sat there. Angry at God. Why? I’m not sure. I have held on to past hurts and nursed them for so long, that it was too painful to allow them to surface. They’d all been pushed deep down and locked up so that no one could see or find them. When I felt God stirring in me, coaxing me to release them to Him, I became stubborn and refused to acknowledge that He wanted to help me deal with them. They had sort of become my safety blanket, you know? I’d carried those fears and hurts for so long that I felt it would make me too vulnerable and open if I surrendered them to Him. I sat unresponsive as everyone around me was in tears while they willingly offered themselves to the Lord and accepted His cleansing in their lives.
Part of the problem was that I blamed Him for some of my pain. I told God that if He loved me, He wouldn’t have allowed some of those things to happen in my life. I rationalized in my head that since God hadn’t saved me from those hurts, He doesn’t love me as much as He claims He does. I always felt like I had to earn His love, or fight for His approval and that night I was so utterly drained that I had no fight left anymore. I screamed at Him in my mind, “God, why won’t you fight for me?! Just this once, I don’t want to fight. I am tired of trying to seek you without getting a response, so this time YOU fight for me!”
After a few hours one of our leaders stood up and announced that the prayer meeting was officially over, but everyone was welcome to stay and bask in God’s grace if they wanted to. As soon as those words left his mouth, I was out of the room. Anger and bitterness drove me out the front door and across the field. I didn’t even make it halfway before I collapsed to my knees in complete brokenness, my body convulsing under the intensity of my sobs. The night was cold, and the darkness that surrounded me seemed fitting, as it echoed the dark emptiness I felt inside. With tears streaming down my face, I cried out in anguish, “God! Why won’t you fight for me?! You say you love me, then fight for me!” I knelt there like that for well over an hour, wailing loudly in anguish as my heart felt torn apart. My eyes burned from the excessive stream of tears that poured from beneath swollen lids.
Finally, when it seemed all my tears had been spent, I sank fully onto the damp grass in complete exhaustion. I closed my eyes and lay there, too weak to even stand. It was then that I heard God’s voice whisper to me with a clarity I had never heard before. He said:
“I can’t fight for you because you’ve set up walls around your heart. How do you expect me to guard you and fight for you when you’ve set your defences against me?”
The voice was so gentle, yet so definite. I hadn’t realized I had opened my eyes or that I was holding my breath. Immediately after hearing that, there was such a warm peace that flooded me that I began to weep again. I don’t know where those extra tears came from, but I wept in repentance for ever doubting God and just knelt humbly before Him, soaking in His presence. I rocked back and forth, crying as I finally allowed Him to enter those parts of my heart that I had locked securely away.
I came back into the house 2 hours later, with puffy eyes, tear-stained cheeks, and a huge grin on my face. After going through the pain of digging out all my past hurts and laying them at God’s feet, I felt Him begin the process of restoration.
You see, God tries to show us He loves us, but often times it’s our own fault that we don’t see it. We either block Him out entirely, or we don’t realize it when He DOES show us.
The next morning, I was spending time down by the creek in the gardens and was just talking to God. I felt a new-found freedom and was just relishing the intimacy of being closer to Him. I sat in silence with a blanket wrapped around me and enjoyed a beautiful sunrise with my God.
As I sat there conversing with Him (it’s amazing how much He talks to you when you listen), He was saying some things to me, so I wrote them down. Here’s an excerpt from a journal entry of my conversation with God that day:
“Look at the dirt. Do you see the tiny bits of sand that collectively form the ground you walk on? Look closer. Do you see the bugs, so small that they can climb a single blade of grass without it even bending?
I am a God of detail, not of luck or chance. You can let me lead you and you don’t have to be afraid of not knowing what will happen – I know. I will watch over you.
Now look at that acorn. See its insignificance as you hold it in your palm? But plant that acorn in fertile soil, nurture it, and watch it grow.
Behold, I am a God of amazement. I take that which is small, weak, seemingly useless, and I transform it into something strong and great. If I can do this with an acorn that has no soul nor breath, how much more could I do in you through my Spirit?
Look at the sun as it rises faithfully each morning. You don’t question whether it will be there when you awaken – you know it will. As it rises it exposes darkened corners and expels the shadows, bathing the world in light.
How much more faithful am I to you? There’s not a morning you wake up, nor a night you rest your head that I am not beside you. Allow me to bring light to the darkened corners of your heart. Do not lock away your pain from me – give me the key and my light will bring healing and restoration. I did not create just part of you, nor do I just want you to offer part of yourself in return. Rather, give me your WHOLE self. Be it broken – I can mend it; be it weak – in me there’s strength.
Look at the flowers with their contrasts in shapes and colours. Did they sprout from the ground deciding they were going to be a rose, or daffodil, or lily? I decided each and knew what they would be before they broke the soil.
Even as the flower, I knew you before you were born. It was my hands that formed you, my love that gave you life. As the flower, I also created you beautiful. The more you grow in me and bloom in the plan I’ve called you to, the more beautiful you’ll become.
You see, my daughter, it’s not a matter of IF I love you, it’s a matter of IF YOU’LL LET ME love you.”
....thought I’d leave you with that.
Sometimes I ask God if He really loves me. It’s all fine and great to read about His love in the bible, but as humans I think we all desire to FEEL loved. It’s different if someone just says they love you than if they go out of their way and purpose to DO something to show you it’s true.
I think this might be something that some of you can relate to, so I’m going to put myself out there and share a very personal experience with you.
During our first week of classes we got together as a team and had one of our regular prayer nights. God began to move through the place as people were broken before Him, laying down all their past hurts, and fears, allowing Him to dig up their pain so that He could bring His healing. I don’t know why, but I just felt on the defensive that night. I sat there with arms crossed, not receiving any prayer. Inside I was in turmoil but had determined not to get emotional and was desperately trying to maintain my composure. I refused to listen when others came to pray for me. I just sat there. Angry at God. Why? I’m not sure. I have held on to past hurts and nursed them for so long, that it was too painful to allow them to surface. They’d all been pushed deep down and locked up so that no one could see or find them. When I felt God stirring in me, coaxing me to release them to Him, I became stubborn and refused to acknowledge that He wanted to help me deal with them. They had sort of become my safety blanket, you know? I’d carried those fears and hurts for so long that I felt it would make me too vulnerable and open if I surrendered them to Him. I sat unresponsive as everyone around me was in tears while they willingly offered themselves to the Lord and accepted His cleansing in their lives.
Part of the problem was that I blamed Him for some of my pain. I told God that if He loved me, He wouldn’t have allowed some of those things to happen in my life. I rationalized in my head that since God hadn’t saved me from those hurts, He doesn’t love me as much as He claims He does. I always felt like I had to earn His love, or fight for His approval and that night I was so utterly drained that I had no fight left anymore. I screamed at Him in my mind, “God, why won’t you fight for me?! Just this once, I don’t want to fight. I am tired of trying to seek you without getting a response, so this time YOU fight for me!”
After a few hours one of our leaders stood up and announced that the prayer meeting was officially over, but everyone was welcome to stay and bask in God’s grace if they wanted to. As soon as those words left his mouth, I was out of the room. Anger and bitterness drove me out the front door and across the field. I didn’t even make it halfway before I collapsed to my knees in complete brokenness, my body convulsing under the intensity of my sobs. The night was cold, and the darkness that surrounded me seemed fitting, as it echoed the dark emptiness I felt inside. With tears streaming down my face, I cried out in anguish, “God! Why won’t you fight for me?! You say you love me, then fight for me!” I knelt there like that for well over an hour, wailing loudly in anguish as my heart felt torn apart. My eyes burned from the excessive stream of tears that poured from beneath swollen lids.
Finally, when it seemed all my tears had been spent, I sank fully onto the damp grass in complete exhaustion. I closed my eyes and lay there, too weak to even stand. It was then that I heard God’s voice whisper to me with a clarity I had never heard before. He said:
“I can’t fight for you because you’ve set up walls around your heart. How do you expect me to guard you and fight for you when you’ve set your defences against me?”
The voice was so gentle, yet so definite. I hadn’t realized I had opened my eyes or that I was holding my breath. Immediately after hearing that, there was such a warm peace that flooded me that I began to weep again. I don’t know where those extra tears came from, but I wept in repentance for ever doubting God and just knelt humbly before Him, soaking in His presence. I rocked back and forth, crying as I finally allowed Him to enter those parts of my heart that I had locked securely away.
I came back into the house 2 hours later, with puffy eyes, tear-stained cheeks, and a huge grin on my face. After going through the pain of digging out all my past hurts and laying them at God’s feet, I felt Him begin the process of restoration.
You see, God tries to show us He loves us, but often times it’s our own fault that we don’t see it. We either block Him out entirely, or we don’t realize it when He DOES show us.
The next morning, I was spending time down by the creek in the gardens and was just talking to God. I felt a new-found freedom and was just relishing the intimacy of being closer to Him. I sat in silence with a blanket wrapped around me and enjoyed a beautiful sunrise with my God.
As I sat there conversing with Him (it’s amazing how much He talks to you when you listen), He was saying some things to me, so I wrote them down. Here’s an excerpt from a journal entry of my conversation with God that day:
“Look at the dirt. Do you see the tiny bits of sand that collectively form the ground you walk on? Look closer. Do you see the bugs, so small that they can climb a single blade of grass without it even bending?
I am a God of detail, not of luck or chance. You can let me lead you and you don’t have to be afraid of not knowing what will happen – I know. I will watch over you.
Now look at that acorn. See its insignificance as you hold it in your palm? But plant that acorn in fertile soil, nurture it, and watch it grow.
Behold, I am a God of amazement. I take that which is small, weak, seemingly useless, and I transform it into something strong and great. If I can do this with an acorn that has no soul nor breath, how much more could I do in you through my Spirit?
Look at the sun as it rises faithfully each morning. You don’t question whether it will be there when you awaken – you know it will. As it rises it exposes darkened corners and expels the shadows, bathing the world in light.
How much more faithful am I to you? There’s not a morning you wake up, nor a night you rest your head that I am not beside you. Allow me to bring light to the darkened corners of your heart. Do not lock away your pain from me – give me the key and my light will bring healing and restoration. I did not create just part of you, nor do I just want you to offer part of yourself in return. Rather, give me your WHOLE self. Be it broken – I can mend it; be it weak – in me there’s strength.
Look at the flowers with their contrasts in shapes and colours. Did they sprout from the ground deciding they were going to be a rose, or daffodil, or lily? I decided each and knew what they would be before they broke the soil.
Even as the flower, I knew you before you were born. It was my hands that formed you, my love that gave you life. As the flower, I also created you beautiful. The more you grow in me and bloom in the plan I’ve called you to, the more beautiful you’ll become.
You see, my daughter, it’s not a matter of IF I love you, it’s a matter of IF YOU’LL LET ME love you.”
....thought I’d leave you with that.
Friday, May 14, 2010
New Revelation of Old News
It’s so hard to blog when every day that I’m here, it’s information overload. I can never pick just one thing to talk about so I keep putting it off. I thought at first that I would rehash one of our lectures so I could share with you some of the knowledge I’ve gained, but I’ve begun writing it four times now, and can’t seem to find the words. Instead, I think I’m just going to share some personal revelations that have really encouraged me in my growth this past month.
The first thing I want to share is something that is such a simple concept in theory, but so incredibly deep the more I learn about it for myself.
God is all about relationship.
I know I mentioned that in one of my previous posts, but the more time I spend with Him, the more I’m understanding what that means. Do you know God wants to talk to you every day? Even in the little things. He is eager to have conversation with you! I always thought of Him as this distant ‘figure’ that is way out in the universe somewhere, looking down on me and stretching His big hand down to help me out now and again. But He is not distant at all! In fact, the bible tells us that His Spirit is IN us. How much closer can you get? Talk to Him as you would a friend – He already knows everything about you anyways. Open up and share with Him how you feel or what you’re thinking. Ask Him questions, go for walks with Him, see what he thinks about where you should shop for a pair of shoes –He is way better at knowing where the bargains are then I am! He’s not an angry or controlling God – the bible tells us that “God is love”. What does love look like? 1 Corinthians 13:4-7: “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not proud or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or angry; it does not delight in what is wrong, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things”. This gives us a huge insight into God’s character and what He’s like. God is patient and kind – he doesn’t jump on us as soon as we make a mistake, or speak harshly to us when we mess up. God is not envious or boastful - He does not get proud or throw our faults and failures back in our face. God does not force us to do anything – although He has set commands for us, He allows us to choose whether we are going to follow them or not. He doesn’t want to control us like we’re just His puppets, He gave us free will when He created Adam and Eve. God is not irritable or angry. In fact, Psalm 86:15 says “But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and ABOUNDING in steadfast (or unmovable, unshakable, unconditional) love and faithfulness”. You don’t have to be afraid that God is some tyrant that is waiting to smite you as soon as you do something wrong. The bible talks about God as our FATHER. He loves us as His children – if you are a parent, you understand what that kind of love looks like. You would lay down your life for your child – which is what God did when He sent Jesus to die for us so we could have freedom and restore that broken connection that sin caused between us and God. He does not delight in wrong doings - He hates evil and wants us to hate it too, because He knows how much better life can be if we choose to walk in His goodness. He delights in the truth, which means He never lies to us – all the promises in the bible are true and firm. We don’t have to question whether or not He is going to do something that He has said He would. His word is our assurance. God bears all things - He does not reject us when we screw up. He is not a God who only wants to deal with part of you – He wants you to bring ALL your fears and failures to Him so that He can cleanse you. Nothing you can do or say will faze Him or deter Him from loving you. God believes all things – He does not judge you as others might, because unlike people, God sees your heart. I know that for me personally, I just dealt with something this week with a few people on my team and an issue of trust that had been broken. It was frustrating because someone had falsely accused me of something without having proof to back it up. When I promised that it wasn’t true, they didn’t believe me. I left angry, hurt, and discouraged, saying to God, “Why can’t you help me convince them that what they’re believing is a lie?” and God just assured me that HE knew the truth and that was all that mattered. God hopes all things – what is the craziest thing you could ever imagine doing in your life? Do you know God’s hopes and dreams for you far exceed what you just thought of? “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55:8-9). Isn’t that exciting? That God wants to do something with me that is far greater than I can ever imagine?! Also, God endures all things. Aren’t you glad that God doesn’t give up on us? I sure am. I have messed up far more times than I can count, and yet God takes me back. He doesn’t expect us to be perfect – He takes us as we are, but wants to form us into who we can become; who we were created to be. God does not abandon or neglect you – you don’t have to hold back your baggage or insecurities from Him because He is willing to lighten our load if we’ll let Him. That’s one thing I’ve really been realizing lately. I’ve always been someone who likes to carry my own load and hates allowing myself to be vulnerable to anyone. But God has gently reminded me that He is much more powerful than I will ever be and is more than capable of taking my hurts and enduring my pain. He says “cast your burdens unto me, all who are weary, and I will give you rest”. Isn’t that reassuring? That God cares so much for us that He WANTS to carry our load. I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling pretty humbled right now that God, the creator of the universe, has such a deep love for me personally that He would carry my pain.
Do yourself a favour and take just 10 minutes to think about what I said. I know it’s a message that some of us have heard many times in the past, but really concentrate on the depth behind it. Focus on each word or characteristic and what they look like to you – then remember that those qualities are perfected in God...
God who is love.
I'll leave you with that for now. Later I will try to share some other things that have burried themselves in my heart lately.
Cheers!
The first thing I want to share is something that is such a simple concept in theory, but so incredibly deep the more I learn about it for myself.
God is all about relationship.
I know I mentioned that in one of my previous posts, but the more time I spend with Him, the more I’m understanding what that means. Do you know God wants to talk to you every day? Even in the little things. He is eager to have conversation with you! I always thought of Him as this distant ‘figure’ that is way out in the universe somewhere, looking down on me and stretching His big hand down to help me out now and again. But He is not distant at all! In fact, the bible tells us that His Spirit is IN us. How much closer can you get? Talk to Him as you would a friend – He already knows everything about you anyways. Open up and share with Him how you feel or what you’re thinking. Ask Him questions, go for walks with Him, see what he thinks about where you should shop for a pair of shoes –He is way better at knowing where the bargains are then I am! He’s not an angry or controlling God – the bible tells us that “God is love”. What does love look like? 1 Corinthians 13:4-7: “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not proud or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or angry; it does not delight in what is wrong, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things”. This gives us a huge insight into God’s character and what He’s like. God is patient and kind – he doesn’t jump on us as soon as we make a mistake, or speak harshly to us when we mess up. God is not envious or boastful - He does not get proud or throw our faults and failures back in our face. God does not force us to do anything – although He has set commands for us, He allows us to choose whether we are going to follow them or not. He doesn’t want to control us like we’re just His puppets, He gave us free will when He created Adam and Eve. God is not irritable or angry. In fact, Psalm 86:15 says “But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and ABOUNDING in steadfast (or unmovable, unshakable, unconditional) love and faithfulness”. You don’t have to be afraid that God is some tyrant that is waiting to smite you as soon as you do something wrong. The bible talks about God as our FATHER. He loves us as His children – if you are a parent, you understand what that kind of love looks like. You would lay down your life for your child – which is what God did when He sent Jesus to die for us so we could have freedom and restore that broken connection that sin caused between us and God. He does not delight in wrong doings - He hates evil and wants us to hate it too, because He knows how much better life can be if we choose to walk in His goodness. He delights in the truth, which means He never lies to us – all the promises in the bible are true and firm. We don’t have to question whether or not He is going to do something that He has said He would. His word is our assurance. God bears all things - He does not reject us when we screw up. He is not a God who only wants to deal with part of you – He wants you to bring ALL your fears and failures to Him so that He can cleanse you. Nothing you can do or say will faze Him or deter Him from loving you. God believes all things – He does not judge you as others might, because unlike people, God sees your heart. I know that for me personally, I just dealt with something this week with a few people on my team and an issue of trust that had been broken. It was frustrating because someone had falsely accused me of something without having proof to back it up. When I promised that it wasn’t true, they didn’t believe me. I left angry, hurt, and discouraged, saying to God, “Why can’t you help me convince them that what they’re believing is a lie?” and God just assured me that HE knew the truth and that was all that mattered. God hopes all things – what is the craziest thing you could ever imagine doing in your life? Do you know God’s hopes and dreams for you far exceed what you just thought of? “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55:8-9). Isn’t that exciting? That God wants to do something with me that is far greater than I can ever imagine?! Also, God endures all things. Aren’t you glad that God doesn’t give up on us? I sure am. I have messed up far more times than I can count, and yet God takes me back. He doesn’t expect us to be perfect – He takes us as we are, but wants to form us into who we can become; who we were created to be. God does not abandon or neglect you – you don’t have to hold back your baggage or insecurities from Him because He is willing to lighten our load if we’ll let Him. That’s one thing I’ve really been realizing lately. I’ve always been someone who likes to carry my own load and hates allowing myself to be vulnerable to anyone. But God has gently reminded me that He is much more powerful than I will ever be and is more than capable of taking my hurts and enduring my pain. He says “cast your burdens unto me, all who are weary, and I will give you rest”. Isn’t that reassuring? That God cares so much for us that He WANTS to carry our load. I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling pretty humbled right now that God, the creator of the universe, has such a deep love for me personally that He would carry my pain.
Do yourself a favour and take just 10 minutes to think about what I said. I know it’s a message that some of us have heard many times in the past, but really concentrate on the depth behind it. Focus on each word or characteristic and what they look like to you – then remember that those qualities are perfected in God...
God who is love.
I'll leave you with that for now. Later I will try to share some other things that have burried themselves in my heart lately.
Cheers!
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